Over the last few months, I have not really felt my best.  One Friday morning, on my day off, I was looking forward to watching The Mandalorian on Disney Plus!  It was supposed to be an enjoyable, restful day after a really long week.  As I sat down on the couch and started my show, I began to feel this weird feeling of doom and gloom.  I felt overwhelmed, sad, angry, and my chest hurt.   I immediately thought I was experiencing a heart attack. You see, a couple of years earlier, after a car accident, I felt the same way and went to the emergency room where they said that my heart was good and strong and that I was probably dealing with anxiety.  

For as long as I can remember, anxiety has had a place in my life, but I was always able to handle it pretty well, with no one really knowing. People tend to have harsh feelings toward someone who says they are depressed or they deal with anxiety, especially someone who is a Christian and who also is a pastor.  So, I usually kept very quiet and didn’t talk about it much to anyone.  That day on the couch, I talked myself out of it being a heart attack, and I soon realized it was a full-blown panic/anxiety attack.  I called my wife and cried while she talked me down.  I honestly don’t know what I would do without her.  She is the best and cares for me so well.  I told her that I was ready to get help.  I was at the point where I really didn’t care what anyone thought, and I reached out to a counselor, who I started seeing once a week.

What I have learned through this process is that I have neglected myself for far too long. Throughout 21 years of student ministry, I have seen a lot and dealt with a lot.  I taught myself to push my feelings aside and to keep moving forward because people needed me.  I would give advice, pray for, and care for others with all that was in me.  Believe me when I say I was spending time with the Lord, reading the word, and praying.  My relationship with Jesus was then and is now still good, yet I found myself carrying everyone’s burdens, unable to leave them with Jesus.  I felt like I needed to be the one who was fixing the issues.  That is what I believe helped me through all of my years as a youth pastor– my heart, but it was also the thing that hurt me.  I care way too much.   

So, I am learning to pray for folks and to care for them, but I truly leave it at the feet of Jesus, trusting His plan.  Easy to say, harder to do, but guess what?  I am getting better at it. I began to journal when I was experiencing severe anxiety, and I started noticing patterns that showed that my anxiety seemed to get worse with loud noises, chaos, fried foods and soda, caffeine and coffee.  I began to ween myself off of those things, and currently, after four weeks, though it is extremely difficult not having Dr. Pepper every day, I am making it.  I ordered one medium DP from Sonic, and I drank one cup of coffee.  So far so good.  Water is good for us but sure gets old; however, I am sticking with it and have noticed when the anxiety comes on, it is not as bad.  Right now, I feel more able to manage it. 

My next step was to focus on my physical health, starting with my eye doctor because I had been having headaches in the evening and could tell my prescription was probably no longer accurate.  The optometrist told me that my eyes were pretty stable with a slight change, but he suggested new lenses and blue light blocker to help me, since I now work more at a computer.  

Now, I’m ready to find a general practitioner who can give me a checkup and maybe prescribe some medicine to help with my high functioning depression and anxiety.  I made that call today.  If you knew how much going to a doctor scares me, you would know that these three steps that I took are so big.  In my mind it’s like I won the World Series every time, nervous but relief once I made the call.  Sure, the doctor could say that I am sick or that there is something bigger wrong with me.  I really don’t think there is, but if I need medicine to help feel better, then guess what?  I need to take it.  I hate even taking Ibuprofen, but I am at the point in my life where if I need it, then get it done! 

So here I am on a Thursday morning writing this, knowing some people may read this and think that I should just “man-up” and keep moving forward.  Things will get better.  I was on that side at one time.  “Manning- up” didn’t work for me.  In fact, it probably made my feelings worse.  I am truly writing this not for sympathy.  I am writing to say that if I can seek help from the Lord, from counseling, and from doctors, those that feel like me can do it, as well. The shame that I felt, all of the time, because of my struggles was awful.  I was scared to let anyone see me hurt or be sad.  Not anymore!  I am not perfect and never claimed to be, but I am going to try and better myself so that I can continue to be the best husband, father, and minister I can be until the Lord calls me home. 

            What got me here?  Ministry for 21 years can catch up with you, but it was probably recent events in my life.  Four years ago, I was hit by a drunk driver, who was going well over 90mph, which rolled us three times into a ditch on I-35.  Next would be last year when I dislocated my ankle, breaking it in three places, and now having a plate with 12 screws in my ankle.  I cannot do things as well as I once could, and that takes a mental toll.  Then, in May, I lost my best friend to cancer, and due to COVID, I could not be in the hospital and I could not tell him goodbye.  Preaching his funeral and not being able to talk with him every day since has been really hard.  Finally, I switched ministry roles, in the middle of COVID, and didn’t really get to finish out the way I had hoped, due to all of the restrictions.  Believe me when I say this– I LOVE MY NEW MINISTRY POSITION!  It is just hard when you leave something you have done for 21 years.  So, when I look over my shoulder and see what I have walked through in just four years, I see that there are many defining moments, and I think I handled most of them well.  I want to remember those past events, but I don’t want to live there anymore.  I want those to be defining and shaping moments, but they can’t be all that I think about.  

That Friday was a wake-up call to me that it is ok not to be ok and that I need to seek help in order to learn how to handle and how to deal with all of these emotions, not let them define me.  Most importantly, I need to remember that Jesus is my Savior, and His plan is so much better than anything I could ever imagine. 

            So here I am, a huge mess ball, but that’s ok.  I feel the Lord working in my life, and I am working on controlling the things in my life that I can, such as food, exercise, doctor visits, and resting more.  Then, trusting the Lord with the things that I can’t change and asking Him to carry those burdens for me, leaning in even closer to Him daily.  When trials come, and believe me, in my life they have come in many forms, my walk with the Lord is strengthened, and I am thankful for that. 

            I wanted you to know what the Lord has been showing me lately.  Mainly, I rely on my own heart too much, and I need to let the Lord carry the burdens that I was never meant to carry.  Jesus is the answer.  He has always been the answer.  If you are out there struggling today, let me encourage you.  It’s ok to not have it all together, but please don’t dwell there.  Turn your eyes to Jesus and ask Him to help you.  I found that in turning my eyes up and talking about my issues, it has opened a deeper walk with Jesus and has allowed me to see that it’s ok to seek help from others, those whom God provided as counselors and doctors.  You are not in this alone!  You are loved and cared for.  If I can ever help you, please message me.  I don’t have this thing figured out, but I know who does.  I am going to learn to rest in that daily. 

Love, 

Jeremy

Have you ever felt disappointed? Have you ever felt that at every turn something goes wrong? Have you ever felt as if the life you live has let everyone down, including your own family? Since July 4^th I have felt this weight in my mind and on my heart. In the quiet of the day or night, Satan whispers in my ear, “See! Your God left you. If He really loved you, you wouldn’t be walking through this mess.” Every time I heard that voice, I run to the word of God, for no spiritual discussion, encouragement card, friendly hug or act of love can fill what the word of God can. The Word of God is never changing and is not based upon my circumstance or how good or bad I am feeling. It is constant and speaks truth right to my mind and to my heart. Over the last month, it is what brought comfort and peace to my mind and heart at times when my life felt like it was crumbling around me.

As we spent our week at Falls Creek, the night of July 3^rd, God broke through to the hearts of some of our students, and they gave their lives fully to Jesus. I will never forget telling someone that night, “Satan won’t be happy with this. He will begin his attacks and try to break apart what God was doing.”

The next day, our eight year old daughter, Merritt, was with Nana, my mother-in-law, at a 4^th of July party. Merritt was living the dream, sliding down the water slides and having so much fun. Nana told Merritt to slide 2 more times, and then, they needed to go. As Merritt went down the slide one last time, she turned the corner and found Nana unresponsive on the ground. She had to get help and tell adults and the paramedics what information she could about Nana. Merritt was such a brave and smart girl! The paramedics were able to get Nana to the hospital as we got the call and had to rush from Falls Creek to the hospital in Norman. After we arrived, we found out there may be something wrong with Nana’s heart, causing her to pass out.  After she had passed out, she tried to stand up to search the area for Merritt, when she fell again and fractured a bone in her foot. I remember sitting in the hospital saying to myself, “Right on time, Satan trying anything in his power to disrupt what God was doing in the hearts of our students.”

We were able to make it back to Falls Creek that night, with Merritt in tow, and I was scheduled to speak that evening in our cabin time. I remember telling the students to remember that Jesus is worthy to be praised in the good and in the bad, for we are not guaranteed tomorrow, nor are we guaranteed an easy life once we surrender to Jesus. We just have to be faithful to God and understand that Jesus is working all things out for His good and for His glory. If Jesus was all you had, no home, health, money, or recognition, would He be enough? I reminded the students that Jesus is enough and will always be enough. I tried to remind them that He is faithful, and that trusting Him is ALWAYS the right thing to do. Why? Because Jesus is enough.

In my own life, I have always struggled with feeling that I was not worthy of God’s love. In fact, it is easier for me to tell this to others than to believe it for myself. I have always struggled with self-esteem and with not feeling worthy to serve in the places in which God has called me. I think that’s why God placed Courtney, my wife, in my life. She encourages me to trust God more, to rest in Him more,  and to not worry so much about life. That night, after speaking with the students about God’s goodness, we had a few more students give their hearts to Jesus. I remember talking with a friend that night and saying, “God is moving and Satan is trying everything in his power to shut it down, but He ain’t gonna do it! What else can He do??”

The next afternoon, some of the youth participated in a softball game at Falls Creek.  After our kids won the softball game, a few students asked me to take a swing, just for old time’s sake.  I agreed, knowing that an innocent swing of the bat would make them happy.  I took one swing, not even swinging for the fences, and this one swing dislocated my ankle, causing it to break in three places,  hanging around the side of my leg. I looked down and just sat on the ground. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The only thing I could think about was that both of my daughters were there watching, I felt this huge weight come over me. Satan began to whisper in my ear, “See! You are a disappointment once again! You are not good enough! You let your daughters and family down again! You let your church and student ministry down! You are going to cost people extra time now, taking care of you! You are such a loser, and maybe it’s time for you to move on and stop trying to be a youth pastor.” All of these thoughts flashed through my mind as I laid there crying. I felt horrible because I had let everyone down. It was probably the most sadness that I have ever felt. I was just lying there surrounded by people holding me and telling me that it’s ok. All I could think about was that with one swing of the bat, I had ruined the summer.

I’ll never forget the faces of those holding and helping me, my wife, Sandy, Mark, Colby, and the Falls Creek nurse. In that moment, even though I honestly felt like I might lose my foot, based on how bad it looked, God had orchestrated having the right people there at the right time. 15 years ago, when Courtney and I lived in Texas, Colby asked me to speak at an FCA rally at His church. This summer, it just so happened that he brought his students to Falls Creek, and they were the team we played in the softball game. Before the game started, Colby came over and reintroduced himself to me. I had totally forgotten about that until our pregame conversation. The crazy thing is, now he works as a pastor and as an EMT! Colby was able to craft a makeshift splint to keep my lower leg still until the paramedics arrived. Isn’t God awesome?

In the moments that Satan whispers lies, Jesus provides miracles. Jesus not only speaks to us, He acts and provides for us. All of these people were able to get me in a car, and Scott Teel drove me from Falls Creek to a hospital in OKC. Mark Davis held my ankle in the back of the car all the way there, which was a pretty hard thing to experience, and my wife held my hand and prayed for me the whole way there. Once they got me into the ER, the doctors had to set my ankle without putting me under anesthesia.  That was a pain I hope no one will ever have to experience. Not only did they set it once, but after the orthopedic surgeon looked at the x-rays, it had to be set again because he wanted it set it a higher in the socket. That night was one of the hardest nights I have had in a long time.

Sitting in my chair at home feeling completely defeated, I felt that weight again of letting everyone down. Not only could I not be at Falls Creek for the last night, we were scheduled to leave the following Thursday for a two week mission trip. All of the plans I had made: the flights, the house, the food, the mission project sat in jeopardy. It was so hard to sit there and know I had let myself and so many others down. But you see, it was my head telling me that. The whole while I was feeling down, God was still working. As visitors started to come by, they blessed me with stories of God’s faithfulness.  They told me that right after I fell to the ground at Falls Creek, our students circled up on their own and began to pray. The adult sponsors took my children to make sure they were occupied. The adults also began to plan and fill in the gaps to finish Falls Creek strong. Satan didn’t win. In fact, that night multiple students were saved. One student in particular was one for whom I had been specifically praying. Reading the text about that student’s salvation brought such joy to my heart. Jesus received the glory!

What Satan meant for bad, Jesus turned to good. My wife, who seriously is the best, told me that night that she would lead the mission trip, and she did. Words can’t express how incredible Courtney is. During the two weeks of the mission trip, I was even able to FaceTime in at night and hear the stories of how God was continuing to use our students on the mission trip. The Lord allowed my mom and some friends to stay with and care for me. In those nights, there were still moments where my heart was heavy, sad, and just outright mad, but each time I felt those emotion, instead of buying into the lies of Satan, I went to the Word to combat what my head was telling me.

Yes, it’s still tough somedays, and yes, I still wish this hadn’t happened. But, if that’s what it took for those kids to get saved and for Jesus to receive glory, then so be it. It’s all about perspective and about trusting God’s plan. What I have found in my life is that it’s never the way that I want it to be. God is always working and moving in ways that we can’t understand. God slowed me down and just asked me to be still, to listen, and to spend time with Him. He wasn’t punishing me. He hadn’t forgotten me. He hadn’t left me. He was working His perfect will in my life.

Over  the last month, I have been able to examine my heart, listen to His voice, strengthen my mind in His word, and rest. It wasn’t the way I wanted to do that, but it was what God wanted for me. We are always going to hear the lies of Satan, and we are going to have bad days; but, we can’t let Him win. We have to look to Jesus and remember He is for us and not against us. We have to trust His plan, even when it feels like all around us is crashing down. Cling to His word and rest in that. It’s not always easy, but it is worth it.

So here I am, three weeks away from, hopefully, walking again. Sure, it still stinks that I am sitting in a chair. Sure, I missed some things. Sure, I still get down, but trust me when I say that I trust Jesus. I am not disappointing people. I am not worthless. I am exactly where Jesus wants me, trusting and resting in Him. God is not through with me in student ministry. I believe that He has restored and strengthened my love for our students and for Him.

If you are feeling down or if you just need to be encouraged today, let me tell you, your life will have hard moments, and you will want to quit and give up. DON’T! Go ahead and cry, scream, get frustrated, then pick yourself up and head to God’s word. It will encourage, rebuke and comfort. Satan always tries to whisper those lies into our minds and our heart, but remember Jesus has already won that battle for you. Rise above the whispers and listen to the strong voice of Jesus. Rest in that. Thank you for praying for me and for my family. I know many of you are walking through things way worse than I am… Just know you are loved and prayed for.

Here are the Scriptures that Jesus has been walking me through.

Ephesians 2:8-9

Philippians 3:1-11

Philippians 4:10-20

Psalm 118

Psalm 40

Galatians Chapter 6

Still Living The Dream Daily!

Love,

WORM

PS- I am attaching songs that have strengthened me through this month. I am thankful for students and friends who have sent these songs to me to encourage me.

20 years…. In some ways it seems so short, and in other ways it seems so long.  20 years ago, my father passed away after his battle with cancer.  He was only 46 years old.  As I type this, I am 41 years old and can’t believe that 20 years have passed since we last talked.  My heart still hurts today as it hurt in 1999 at the age 19 years old.

My dad received his diagnosis of cancer on February 26, 1998, and he passed away exactly one year later. It was so hard to watch a giant of a man who worked in the oil field, was an electrician, worked in a warehouse, and was a salesman grow frail and weak.  He loved working outside and taking care of his cows.  He loved to build and work on cars, and basically, there was nothing that he could not fix. My dad truly was one of a kind.

My hero in life was my father, and I always wanted to be just like him.  He was kind.  He loved the Lord.  He loved his family.  He loved his wife, and he treated everyone, no matter their background, with the same respect.  He had friends in every walk of life, and every person he talked to was treated as his best friend.

My dad coached baseball, and he loved it!  Throughout my childhood and high school years, he coached almost every kid in Seminole, Oklahoma.  If you asked all those kids about Johnny T, they considered him their dad as well.  He made such an impact and left such a legacy for all of us.  He showed me what it was to be a man and what it looked like to follow Christ.  He taught me to work hard, regardless of what anyone else did, and he would say, “You do your job, and you do it with excellency.”

So, today I thought I would honor my hero, my dad, with 20 things that he taught me that still stick with me today.  Dad, you are loved and missed, but I know one day I will see you again because you loved Jesus and gave your life to him!

#20: If you are going to Wal-Mart, Pizza Hut, school (or basically anywhere), either you walk into the living room before you go or call from where you are to let your family know that you love them.  My dad always made us tell him that we loved him, and he always told us that he loved us.  This is something I still do with my family today.  It’s ok to tell your family that you love them…even if they’re just heading to the store. J

#19: Dream!  My dad taught me how to dream and to think big about things.  Sometimes, we dream and let those thoughts or desires die because we are too lazy or too scared to try. My dad would dream and think about something, then draw it out, and finally make it happen.  My dad watched the movie “Field of Dreams,” and loved how they built a baseball field.  So, late one night he drew out the plans, and the next week, he began building a field in our back yard for my sister and me.  We didn’t have corn, but we had old cedar trees. My dad didn’t just think and dream, he made it come to life.  Dream big, and then do all you can to make it happen.

#18: Love your spouse!  My Dad loved my mom so much. He wasn’t perfect, and he made mistakes, but the love he displayed to my mom was unreal.  He valued, cherished, and loved my mom every day. He couldn’t wait to get home each day to see his family and his wife. Today, if you are married, love your spouse, and make sure they know you love them.

#17: Dr. Pepper, Funyuns, and Reese’s can fix just about anything.  As a kid, my dad would get frustrated with me and yell (mainly when I would not pitch well or play well).  He would yell, and I would cry.  Then, he would feel guilty, so we would head to the gas station and he would say, “I am sorry!  Let’s get a Dr. Pepper, Funyuns, and a Reese’s.” Guess what??  It always fixed it.  To this day, I still do this when I am sad or having a hard time.  Today, go get yourself a Dr. Pepper.  It will make you feel better.

#16: Regardless of how little or how much money you have, treat everyone them same. Love others the way that you would want to be loved.  Take time to listen to people and hear their stories. You might be surprised at what you learn.  Who knows?  That person may become a friend.

#15: Own your mistakes.  People are not perfect, and my dad was far from it.  But, if my dad made a mistake, he was never too big to stop and admit that he was wrong.  He would always try and right his wrong.  It is ok to admit your mistakes.  When you do, you learn how to be a better person.

#14: Be present.  Wherever my dad was, he was always present in that moment. Whether it was working cows, teaching me baseball, visiting with his wife, or teaching us a lesson, he lived in that moment and got the most out it. Put your phones away when you are talking, and be in the moment.  Each moment in life is so short.  Honor it.

#13: Play catch with your kid (or soccer or basketball or football, etc).  Some of the greatest moments, lessons I learned, all came from my dad talking and teaching me while we played catch.

#12: Don’t give everything to your children.  Make them work and earn certain things. My dad made us work odd jobs and learn to value the things we had.  Even though we didn’t have much, compared to others, he wanted us to feel accomplished and to learn to work for the things we wanted.  (P.S. This did NOT always make my sister or me happy!) J

#11: Take pride in what you have been given.  I grew up in an 1,100 square foot home that had only one bathroom.  We lived in the country and didn’t have much, but my father mowed, built, and cared for our property like it was a multi-million-dollar estate. He took pride in what God had given Him.  I always loved that.

#10: It’s ok to come home early, every now and then.  Value and cherish your family time and make it a priority in your life.  My Dad was home almost every day by 4:30pm, would change his clothes, and would meet me outside so that we could practice baseball until the sun went down.  Honestly, I dreaded those days sometimes because there were days that I just wanted to sit around and play Nintendo.  Looking back now, I would give anything to see him pull up into my driveway to meet me outside for a catch.

#9: Do your job, whatever it is, with excellency.  Take pride in whatever you are doing, and strive to be the best at it.  Our world would be so much better if we all would put this into practice.

#8: Go fishing.  However busy you think you are, stop and go fishing with your family.  You will never regret those moments.  We all need to slow down and enjoy the moment. Fishing will always help you do that.

#7: Be observant, watch people, and meet their needs.  I can’t tell you how many times growing up that my dad bought shoes, food, snacks, or gloves for other kids.  Love people and truly meet their needs.

#6: Eat a meal on the floor in front of the TV.  I grew up never eating at a table.  I know that sounds so strange and totally against what experts say, but guess what?  It worked for our family.  We ate, laughed, and watched “The Dukes of Hazard,” and I think we turned out ok!!  Go ahead!  You have permission to eat in the living room tonight!

#5: Let your kids drive a car that will embarrass them for a while.  It will build character and will also teach them to not take themselves so seriously.  I drove a 1987 Pontiac Lemans. The window would not roll down and had to be held up with a screw driver.  To start the car, I had to open the hood and take that screw driver, touch it to the solenoid, and then boom, it would start!  It’s ok if your kid drives a clunker. J

#4: Eat a beef and bean gas station burrito once in your life.   I promise you will like it! When my dad was a salesman, I would ride with him to various schools around the state.  He would buy me a beef and bean burrito every time we would cruise through Davis, OK.  To this day, I stop at that gas station every time I’m on my way to Falls Creek, in honor of my dad.

#3: Watch Baseball.  Pick a team as a family and cheer for them.  At least once a year, pack your family up and go to a game.  You can learn a lot from watching a baseball game.  Even if you think it’s like watching paint dry, at least you can eat a hotdog and hang with your family.

#2: Don’t let cancer (or whatever ails you in life) define you.  Rise above it and live your life in such a way that encourages others to persevere and to be an encouragement to someone else.  Leave a legacy.  Leave a mark and set a standard for others to follow.

#1: Love Jesus, share Jesus, and make sure your family knows how much Jesus loves them.  My father showed us Christ and made Him the priority of His life.  I am who I am today because of my dad’s Christ-centered example.  Who are you showing Christ to?

You are and will always be my Hero!

This is why I stand with teachers. Please take a moment and read what my wife wrote. Please share so that folks understand the heart behind the walkout. You may not agree, but I do. I support and love my wife.

My Oklahoma Education

If you feel like education can continue on as it stands today, I respect your opinion, but I wonder if you have seen the current reality that is Oklahoma children.  I experienced Oklahoma education as a child, but I could not fathom the reality that many Oklahoma children experience every day until I left the state and then came back as an educator.

I grew up in a family of educators, as both of my parents were teachers.  My brother and I both graduated from a state university with education degrees; however, as soon as I completed my degree, I moved to a Dallas suburb to teach.  My parents encouraged it, saying things like, “Why would you not go?  You would be crazy to stay here.”

I enjoyed my time in Texas.  They had resources and programs that Oklahoma still has yet to offer, and my class size was never over 21 students.  Because of my husband’s job, we moved back to Oklahoma where I earned a Master’s Degree in an education field, and I was proud to start working for a school district in my home state, even though my salary now (with my years of experience and a master’s degree) is less than my starting salary (17 years ago) in Texas.

Although the salary leaves something to be desired, my biggest concern coming home to teach was the eye-opening experience each student gave to me.  Growing up in western Oklahoma, I assumed that most kids were living like I did-go to school, come home to eat and play, watch some TV, read some books, go to bed, and repeat the next day.  In my class of 28 six and seven year olds, I quickly realized that for the most part, the only thing we had in common was going to school.  Most of my students did not have books at home.  Many did not have food.  Some didn’t even have a bed.  I never felt such joy than when a person answered a Facebook post to help me send a bunk bed for a student and his sister, who were sleeping on the floor of a motel room and when a few of my friends joined me to deliver Thanksgiving meals to 20 needy school families.

I joke that throughout my first year in Oklahoma, I kept waiting for Ellen DeGeneres or Ashton Kutcher to come around the corner with my million-dollar check because I fell for their prank, but the sad reality was these deplorable conditions that were my kids’ realities were not pranks.  After hearing each new situation, I would tell myself, “This can’t get any worse.”  Then, the next 1st grader would show up, and their story was even more heartbreaking than the last.

Just to name a few:

• T-removed from her home because her parents were neglectful
• S-immigrant who had Autism and did not speak English, adapting to school in a room with 27 other children
• C-fighting childhood leukemia
• D-both parents were taking turns in jail, in the middle of the night helped remove bullet from family member who was playing Russian Roulette
• S-removed from family after living in a motel with parents who were charged with smoking Meth
• T-held the tourniquet on a family member’s leg after an accidental shooting, and he later died
• R-smuggled milk home in his pockets so that he could share with his baby brother and sister

I love taking care of my kids!  I know that what I signed up for was not going to make me wealthy, and I remember asking myself why I kept showing up every day.  The reason blared in my mind every morning-THESE KIDS NEED SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR THEM.  Now is the time when I have to stand up for these children, because several of them do not have anyone standing on their side.  They deserve to learn and to be taken care of in a healthy environment where they feel safe and they have adequate resources to aid in their learning.  I can provide a safe environment, but I cannot adequately meet their needs to learn in a classroom with inflated enrollment and insufficient books/paper/supplies.  We are running out of room.  We are running out of desks.  We are running out of resources.  We are running out of paper.  We are running out of time.  If we don’t invest in their lives at the ages of six or seven or eight (or more), then some of these kids will grow up to continue the unfortunate race that their parents have begun.

We don’t need more children that sleep on the floor of a meth filled hotel room.  We don’t need more children watching their caretaker bleed out.  We don’t need more children trying to learn to read as they sit shoulder to shoulder in order to share a desk and a book.  If we don’t look at this as an investment into our future, our future and the future of these little ones looks very bleak.

I appreciate a competitive salary, but what I would appreciate more is the investment of funds that provide resources (books, teachers, non-moldy classrooms, etc.) so that the students who live like my Okie kiddos can have a fair and safe education.  They deserve better that what has been dealt to them.  They deserve to be provided for and invested in.  This can’t get any worse. Can it?

The Top 40 things I’ve learned in the last 40 years….
Seriously, I am 40 years old! I cannot believe that it’s actually real. I lost my dad to cancer when he was 46 years old. It was a moment that crushed my heart. I miss our conversations, and I hate that he never got to meet my wife or his grandchildren. So, over the last month, I have been thinking through what’s important in my life… what I have learned, what were huge wins, and what were devastating defeats. No matter what life has thrown at me these past 40 years, Jesus has been faithful… even when I wasn’t. So here are the 40 things that I have learned.

#1 Having a family that prays for you is truly the greatest thing you could ever ask for. Place your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, walk with Him, and watch what He will do with your life. My great grandmother prayed and asked the Lord to use my life for the ministry. Well, here I am! 🙂 Always thank your family for praying for you, and in return, pray for them.

#2 My mom and dad taught me that nothing in this life will just be handed to you. Work hard, and if you don’t get it the first time, work harder. Nothing– baseball, school, driving, running, and so on, was easy for me. I wanted to quit more times than I want to admit. But I didn’t because hard work was instilled in me by my parents.

#3 Go to the public pool (THE BIG POOL). You will learn the art of trading and sharing food. Also you will learn to conquer your fear of the high dive, with all your friends yelling at you to jump! There is something about jumping off the high dive, swimming over and drinking a Dr. Pepper, and sharing a bag of Funyons that makes life better.

#4 It’s ok if you don’t have a large home with cable. It teaches you to play outside and appreciate the closeness of living in a small space. It also makes visiting friends with a big house with cable more awesome!

#5 Eat more than 1 biscuit at your friend’s house when they make you dinner. Even if the mom slaps your hand and says, “You have already had one!”, grab it anyways, because once you touch it, they won’t want it back, and you get to enjoy those glorious biscuits! True story, it happened to me. I never got invited back over, but I never forgot how good those biscuits were.

#6 Go fishing with your grandpa. There is nothing better than walking on a dirt road to an old fishing hole and hearing your grandpa tell you stories about the big fish he once caught and the one that got away. Trust me! Don’t ever pass up a chance to fish. You can learn a lot from fishing.

#7 Get yourself a bike and a BB gun and ride until it’s dark outside, acting like you are fighting in some war or being He-Man, Voltron or Transformers. It teaches you to think outside of who you are and to dream big dreams. Kids don’t dream and play enough these days. Go outside and play. It’s good for you.

#8 Drawing and making flip books on a Friday night with your buddies while watching old black and white scary movies helps you to not take everything so seriously. It’s good to just veg out and do nothing but laugh and enjoy good company.

#9 Treat yourself to good shoes. Save and buy the best! Shoes are fun to own because you can be skinny, tall, overweight, and it doesn’t matter. You always feel better in a cool pair of shoes. Spend money on good shoes, and your life will be a lot smoother. 

#10 Own a dog at least once in your life. Dogs are here for a purpose, and I believe that it’s to be a great friend to you. They don’t care how much money you have, what your job is, or what you do. They just love being around you. We all need that in our lives.

#11 Learn to problem solve. In life, daily things will break down or completely stop working. Don’t be scared to try and fix it. We pay people way too much money to fix things that we are too scared to touch in fear of making the problem worse. Give it a try, and if you can’t fix it, call someone to show you how. I promise it will help you later in life.

#12 Make friends that are not just like you. Love people the way that Christ loves you. If you only fill your life with clones, you will miss out on so much in this life.

#13 Baseball is the greatest sport in the world. I have learned more from watching and playing the game of baseball than anything I have learned from anywhere else. Please teach your kids how to play. Everyone likes to play catch.

#14 If you aren’t married, pray for your future spouse. It was by far the greatest thing for me to know that my wife was praying for me and for her to know that I was praying for her. Then, once you marry, don’t stop praying… Cherish your spouse, love your spouse, and don’t stop dating your spouse.

#15 Don’t believe everything you hear in life. You are not as great as some say you are. You are not as bad as some say you are. Listen, discern, and live your life for Christ- not for the applause of man.

#16 Work for a person that is hard to work for, someone that makes you really earn that $5.50 an hour. You may hate it, but it will teach you the value of money. It shouldn’t just be given. It should be earned. Thank you, Norman!

#17 It’s ok to bug and follow your youth pastor around. You will learn a lot by helping him at the church or by just taking time to eat pizza with him. You may even learn how to manage ministry and family. I know I did. Thanks, Brent!

#18 Go watch a Major League baseball game by yourself. Keep score, and listen to the game with headphones on. There is something therapeutic about sitting in the stands eating hotdogs and chewing on seeds that does your soul good.

#19 Dream big dreams. People will always tell you that you can’t do something. It’s kind of fun to achieve something that no one thought you would ever do. Don’t gloat about it. Just store it in your head that it really happened, and then dream again.

#20 Take your family camping. Sleeping in a tent is a strange and fun thing. Camping reminds you to be thankful for what you have. It also gives you chances to tell scary stories to your kids, to make them jump, and to not be able to sleep. There is something super fun about that.

#21 Don’t live above your means. Save for fun stuff. Don’t compare yourself to other families. Do the vacations, the trips, and the meals you can afford. You can always make anything fun! It’s all up to how you do it.

#22 Find a friend with a small plane, and ask them if they would fly you around at sunset. It is amazing how small you will fill. It reminded me of how BIG our God is. It’s also pretty cool to see the place you live from above.

#23 Run a full marathon once in your life. It will teach you perseverance, endurance, strength and patience. You will learn more about yourself while training and running those 26.2 miles than at any other time in your life. We need to be challenged to do something that others say can’t be done. Rise to the challenge and beat it… You will be better for it.

#24 People in this world are not always for you. In fact, there are people in this world that their only aim is to try and tear you and anyone else down that they don’t like. You have a choice to either be ruled by what they think or to rise above it and live your life for Jesus. The only true opinion in what Jesus thinks of you. He already showed you how much He loves you. Rest in that. You won’t make everyone happy and you have to be ok with that.

#25 The greatest vehicle in the world is a JEEP WRANGLER. If you ever get the chance to own one, do it. There is something special about driving around with no roof covering you. I did more praying, more thinking, and more driving when I had my Jeep. It was my place of solitude and I loved it. I hope to one day own a Jeep again.

#26 Find joy in each month of the year. We tend to look to certain months as great and can’t wait for them to get here. Learn to make each month special. Create reasons why you love each month and look forward to each one. Don’t wish away the months. God gives them to us. Let’s enjoy them.

#27 Do something kind for someone each week. Bring breakfast to someone. Pay for someone’s meal behind you. Learn to think of others above yourself. Do things for others that you wish they would do for you. I promise, if you do, your outlook on the day, month, and year will change.

#28 Learn to be a person who is on time. Give yourself time to get where you need to go. Being on time is not showing up at the right time… Be 5 mins early-always. Being on time is something that we all can do, but not many actually show up on time. I promise it will make a good impression, and you will always feel better when you are not rushed. PLAN AHEAD!

#29 When you find yourself broke and have no money for your wife’s birthday, figure out what she loves and create a free birthday surprise day for her. You would be surprised what you can do for $10.00 dollars and a half used gift card. Who knows? It may end up being her favorite birthday celebration ever!

#30 When you go to college, live on campus! Have a roommate at least for the first year. Learn how to make friends and how to live with someone who doesn’t do things the same way you do. It will teach you that in life, things don’t always have to be your way. I promise you that it will be good for you. Also, eat the cafeteria food. It’s not as bad as you think. I should know. I worked in the café for a year! 

#31 When you daughters want to play with you, play with your daughters. Paint their nails. Let them paint your nails. Wear crowns, drink from little tea cups, hug bears. When you don’t play, you are teaching them that your time is more valuable than theirs. Later in life, you will want them to stay home and be with you. You can’t get back time. Live in the moment. They are worth it.

#32 Take pictures. Take as many as you want. Post them on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, where ever you want. If people don’t like your photos, if they think you post too much, or if they think you go too much, it’s ok. You can’t control what others think. But, you will always have that awesome photo of the burger in Orlando that changed your life. Live it up and take that photo! Photos are important!

#33 I hate cancer. It’s one of the things in my life that has shaped me more than anything else. My father lost his life to cancer, but through cancer, I was able to see a man cling to his faith in Jesus and trust that Jesus is so much better than anything else. So, to cancer: you may have thought you defeated my dad, but you didn’t. You took him to meet Jesus faster, and in the process, I, and countless others, experienced a strengthened walk with Christ. Yes, I still hate cancer, but I am thankful for a father who endured it faithfully to the end.

#34 Being hit by a drunk driver (and almost dying on the interstate) will change you and shake you in ways you never could imagine. You can either sink back into a hole and do nothing ever again or look at the days you have given as a gift and continue to live and make much of Jesus. I choose to live. Jesus is better and will always be.

#35 When you come home and your power has been turned off because you can’t pay the electric bill because you don’t have money, and you have to call and break the news to your wife, it’s going to hurt. Especially when it’s at Christmas time, and you have to look at a Christmas tree that’s full of lights that won’t work. Don’t fret. Pull out a guitar and worship together, trusting that Jesus is still faithful. Then borrow money from the in-laws to turn the lights back on and work hard to pay them back. Don’t give up! It’s always darkest before the dawn. It is only a season.

#36 Read the Word of God for yourself. Trust that its words are true and life changing. Memorize it and hide it in your heart. The Word of God is something that needs to be in your life during the good times and the bad. It remains steadfast and has been the greatest thing that I have ever done. Listen to people talk about it, but read it for yourself. It’s still speaking, even today!

#37 You will make mistakes. You will make wrong choices, but don’t let them define who you are. Learn from them, and be better because of them. As Hannah Montana once said, “Nobody’s perfect!”

#38 Bigfoot is real. No, I haven’t ever seen him, but let me tell you he is real! I think believing in Bigfoot keeps me young. It’s ok to believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth fairy, and so on. Look at me. I still believe, and I am a pretty well-adjusted person:)

#39 Love your family well. Your job, ministry, sports, free time, hobby, and so on is not as important as your family. Love them well and cherish them. You will never get that time back. It’s super important. Also, date your wife. Pursue her daily, and love her because she is worth it.

#40 LIVE THE DREAM! I wake up each day happy, regardless if I’m going to work or if I’m going to Disney World. I’m living the dream. You may say, “Yeah, right! No one does that!” Believe me when I say this, “I DO.” I truly try and figure out a way to make each day special. Eat out, go to the park, buy a Dr. Pepper, have something to look forward to each day. Stop dreading things, and live in the moment. If God chooses to wake you up tomorrow, live the dream. I may be getting older, but each day I get to LIVE THE DREAM!

Ok here is a link to why I am running the OKC Marathon this year! I hope you will take the time to read and please click on the link of why Sam needs a new bed!

https://www.gofundme.com/a5f29f6w?pc=fb_co_sh_g

Baseball: I love this sport so much! There is something about it that makes me always feel like a little kid when I am watching or playing. Baseball has shaped my life in many ways, from a little kid learning how to play with my dad to playing in high school and to playing in college.  Baseball even played a huge role in how I proposed to my wife, Courtney. It’s something that, no matter how I feel, always seems to calm me down and to put me in a better mood. I think I love it so much because my father loved it so much. It was the thing that bound us together.  It was what I wanted to do so bad to make my dad proud of me.

Early on, I was not that great at it. In fact, at the age of five I was so bad they put me in RIGHT FIELD! No one wants to play right field as a kid. I remember our coach telling my dad that I just wasn’t very good. That infuriated my dad so much that I can’t remember a night from that point on when I was not practicing baseball with my dad. Pitching. Hitting. Fielding. By the time I was six years old, everyone wanted me on their team. I even set the record for homeruns in little league. By the time I was 12, I was throwing so hard, that at times, people didn’t want to bat against me. My dad would rub his mustache and yell at me when I did poorly, and he would stick his chest out proudly when I did well. But, he always loved me unconditionally.

My dad loved baseball so much that he built me a half baseball field in our front yard that we used for pitching and ground balls. My mom and sister even had to help shag balls, pick up my foul balls, and stay out all night until I got it right. My dad even went on to build my sister and me a full baseball field in our backyard: “THE FIELD OF DREAMS”. Yes, it was awesome, and yes, it was so cool to have. He spent hours and hours playing baseball with me. As a kid, it was hard sometimes because it was basically all I ever did, but truly in my heart I knew I was meant to play.

By the time I got to high school, I made the Oklahoma All-state team and had colleges and professional teams looking at me. My father wanted me to go to college and play in order to get an education. I went to Seminole State, got hurt, and realized during rehab that God had called me to the ministry.  So, I turned down my scholarship, transferred to OBU after a brief stop at St. Gregory’s University. I will never forget sitting on the bed beside my dad and telling him that I wanted to move on from baseball to pursue the Ministry. I was so scared because I felt like I was letting him down.  I began to tell him what I believed God was doing in my heart and said I needed to move on from baseball. He looked me dead in my eyes and said, “Jeremy, I love you! I am so proud of you. I want you to choose God over everything else in this life. I only played baseball with you because I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to teach you want it meant to be a man.” That conversation was monumental because just about two years later my father, my best friend, passed away from cancer.

That was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. To watch your hero shrivel away, a giant of a man reduced to a wheel chair to get around. It will cut you to the core of who you are, but during his sickness we fell in love with Chicago Cubs Baseball.  It was the year of the homerun chase! Slammmin Sammy Sosa, the Cubs right fielder!!!! We would talk on the phone every night about who had more homeruns, Sammy or Mark McGuire.  Even with cancer eating at his body, baseball tied us together.  It gave my dad something to look forward to between all of the doctor visits. It gave him something to think about and something for us to talk about. That year was a precious and hard year.

I love baseball so much because it’s something that represents my Dad. I see him in the way the ball moves, the sound of the bat as it crashes against the ball, the smell of the hotdogs, the taste of sunflower seeds. It is almost as if when I am at a game he is there watching it with me.  I know He would never want to come back here again. I know he is in Heaven with Christ and loving every minute of it, but I think he left me baseball to remember Him by.

My dad and I were planning a trip to Wrigley Field as well as ballparks in Arizona, Minnesota and Boston so that we could watch baseball and so that we could celebrate him beating cancer.  That trip never happened, but he told me I had to go to Wrigley! He made me promise him! “Go see that place where Sammy Sosa hit so many homeruns. Where the crowd yelled when he ran on the field!”  Well, 10 years later, on his birthday, I walked into Wrigley and cried like a little baby!  A friend of mine invited me to join him for a few games, and it just so happened that it was on September 6, what would have been my father’s 58^th birthday. As I walked into that stadium, it was like he was there with me! All the things we had seen on TV or read in the papers were all true, and it was more amazing than I ever dreamt it would be! That day will stick with me forever!

Baseball is more than just a ball and bat to me! It’s what shaped me and what reminds me of my father and our relationship, one that most kids only wish they had with their dad! Now I have had the opportunity to take my wife and my daughters to Wrigley.  To top it all off, I have been blessed with the privilege to serve the Lord in Chicago every summer by taking groups of students to serve at a church in a southwest suburb of Chicago! I can’t help but think my Dad has had a hand in that!

I am sitting in a restaurant in Chicago typing this! I got the opportunity to come up for two days to visit with the church we are helping this summer and finalize our plans. Today, I finished up our meetings around 12pm, and wouldn’t you know that the Cubs are in town playing baseball at 3:00pm! So I found me a ticket and went! I sat 12 rows away from home plate! The place was super packed, every seat seemed full because the Royals were in town, and the place was electric! I had an aisle seat! The chair next to me was empty! Guess what? It stayed empty the entire day! I sat in my chair watching and thinking the whole time how I wish my Dad was sitting right here with me to talk about the game! During the game, my mom sent me a text that said, “He is there with you!”  I began to think about the empty seat next to me!  Maybe He was there!  Maybe that seat was meant for Him! At the bottom of the 8^th it started raining a little.  Most people gave up and went home. I thought about it but decided to stay in my seat.  In the bottom of the 9^th a huge rainbow showed up in RIGHT FIELD!!! Nothing ever happens in right field!!!  Today, a HUGE RAINBOW!!! I just laughed and said, “Thanks God for reminding me that I am never alone and for reminding me that I am loved.  Also, thanks for reminding that right field will always hold a special place in my heart!”

Baseball is more than just a sport to me.  It’s reminds me of the love of my father! I love baseball because it holds a deeper meaning.  Baseball shaped me into the man I am today! Thanks dad for using baseball to show me how to be a man and to love Jesus, baseball, and right field!

Love ya,

Worm